Recently I attended a brunch party/gathering hosted by our local twins club. There were a ton of people there–most of them were parents of twin babies, but a good number were expectant parents. I ended up chatting with a couple people, including one girl who’s due in a few months. She asked a few questions about my experiences and of course I shared.
Then it struck me. A few months ago I was at another brunch talking to moms/parents with two month old twins, asking about their experiences, wondering what things would be like for me. I remember being impressed that they were out and about with such tiny babies, and that they seemed fairly normal–not going crazy from sleep deprivation.
Now I’m on the other side of that fence. I’m the one out with young babies and trying to appear normal (and not just because I’m tired! Ha!). I find that incredibly, incredibly strange and unreal. Not the part about giving advice; I love doing that if I can be helpful. But the part about how I was pregnant with twins. And now I have two-month-old twin babies. What?!!
Like I’m now in a club. The pregnant club, the parent club, the grownup club. Except I really don’t feel like I should be in any of those. Someone’s mother? TWO someones’s mother? Not me! That is ridiculous. I don’t know anything!
Sometimes I look around and see all these people and their kids of various ages. I think, wow, everyone does this! How does everyone do this?? Do they have some secret? Surely they know more than I do? Surely they feel equipped and ready and adult enough to deal with babies and children? This shit isn’t easy. And this part we’re in right now is so freaking easy, compared to what’s coming! Sometimes I’m like, wow, we’re doing okay…but it’s been less than three months. We have eighteen years to go. EIGHTEEN. YEARS. Holy shit. Will we ever feel ready? Will I ever feel like I have a rightful place in those ‘clubs’?