Tired.

I am tired today.

I’m tired of being tired.

I’m tired of staying up late to pump, even though I don’t have to stay up as late as I used to.

I am REALLY tired of pumping while feeding two babies simultaneously. I hate it, in fact.

I’m tired of my butt feeling numb from sitting on the couch so much.

I’m tired of the back spasm I only get while pumping.

I’m already tired of trying to work even a little during the day with babies. It’s only been two weeks.

I’m tired of being behind on everything. Cleaning, organizing, photos. Any time I remember something I should do or want to do, I can’t actually do it then. Or I’m just too tired to want to do it.

I’m tired of doing nothing and doing the same things all the time over and over. Somehow I have cabin fever but also am too lazy and tired to do much about it.

I’m tired of feeling like I’m failing my sweet babies by not knowing how to entertain them enough and not being able to hold them/keep them off their backs all day.

Mostly, I’m freaking exhausted. For the past three weeks I haven’t gotten extra naps during the week that I was getting for the past two months. I get five to six hours of sleep at night, which I know is so much more than a lot of people with small babies so I have no right to complain. But it’s really starting to get to me. It’s so hard to stay up even until 12-1am (to pump, of course)–my eyes literally start crossing. And it’s almost impossible to get up in the mornings.

I’m just so. tired.

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6 thoughts on “Tired.

  1. The first year is definitely the hardest. I remember that exhaustion; I can’t imagine having double the exhaustion that you have. This, too, shall pass!! Complain away.

    • The worst thing is that it’s like I’m doing it to myself. Every night when they go to bed by 8pm I just think longingly about sleep…and feel so bitter that I can’t go to bed for another 5 hours. 😦 I truly can’t and won’t do this for an entire year. Once I figure out/decide on a pumping deadline, hopefully I’ll be a little more rested.

    • That first year was by far the hardest thing I’d ever done (and in the top two of all time)…but geez, at least there were weekends and holidays off! 🙂 Teaching was definitely more mentally/emotionally taxing, while this baby business is more tediously taxing.

  2. I so feel you on this. I have only one 11mo baby, who’s always been a (knock wood) great sleeper, but still, the exhaustion can be mind-numbing. Add that to the fact that I haven’t worked outside the home in almost a year – I took this year off teaching – and my brain is a little muddy. What I’ve decided is that, with a job like teaching, I can lose myself in it, forget that I’m tired, hungry, have to pee, whatever, and just focus on all the nuances and challenges of the day. With a job like parenting, I have to give myself to it entirely and focus 100% on the needs and desires of another person who can’t do most things for herself, a tiny person who I gave birth to and love a lot and am totally invested in. So even though I get a full night’s sleep, I’m still tired at the end of the day. Ugh, I meant for this comment to be more of a commiseration than a downer. It does get better, and I’m definitely less tired now than I was 7-8 months ago!

    • Hm, that’s a good point and good distinction about the type of exhaustion. I definitely did the same thing losing myself in the teaching day…but I’m pretty sure I don’t focus like that with the babies. I’m not sure, really. Maybe I’m bad at this. :/ Anyway, thanks for the commiseration and the encouragement that it will get better. 🙂

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