Acknowledgements and Apologies

I wanted to take a moment away from all-cute-babies-all-the-time to address a few points.

First and foremost, I hope I haven’t offended or irritated or annoyed anyone by being preachy or braggy or something terrible like that. (If it’s my personality that’s annoyed you, well, you might be out of luck. :/)

This having-twins thing is kind of crazy, and it can be difficult. There are a lot of ways that logistically it’s more difficult than having one baby, and I have been guilty of thinking and saying, “Oh man, one baby would be so easy!”

I came across a link to this blog post–Your hard is hard–and felt humbled, and guilty. I want to apologize–whether to you specifically, or to the ether in general. This baby business is not a competition.Β  I must remind myself constantly not to compare my experience or thoughts with others’. I hate to think I may have offended someone. I am so sorry–I would never do that on purpose.

My uncharitable thoughts or thoughtless remarks are really unfair. A new baby is a huge change and adjustment and lifestyle shock to anyone. We happened to have a slightly different kind of lifestyle adjustment than do people who have singleton babies. But that doesn’t take away the difficulty and the shock and exhaustion that all those singleton-baby parents experience. It’s different, but it’s not better or worse. It’s all difficult because it’s all new, and because each baby is different.

In so many ways, I have been so lucky in my experience, and please, I want to make it clear that when I say that, I’m acknowledging that a) it has nothing to do with me or anything I’ve done; b) I have had a lot of support; c) I am grateful and surprised; and d) a lot of mamas have a much harder time than I do.

There are so many people out there whose babies have colic, or sleeping issues, or allergies/sensitivities, or other difficulties. That is so tough! I would have a really hard time dealing with those issues, and I acknowledge and applaud that so many mamas are dealing with them so gracefully–or at least surviving! (Which is really all we can do sometimes, right?)

Multiple babies seem to elicit responses from people like, “Wow, you must have your hands full!” and “I don’t know how you do it!” When in reality, any baby is going to keep his parents’ hands full in one way or another. It seems like all babies have their ups and downs, good and bad aspects, and each of us has to deal with and work through what our own babies present. We don’t know any better and we certainly don’t have a choice.

So, fellow mamas, I applaud you simply for being mamas. For doing your best for your baby or babies, for getting through every day, good or bad. It’s really hard sometimes, isn’t it?

When I post about things we do or have, or systems that we use, it’s just to share or perhaps inspire ideas. It’s not to preach our way as the end-all be-all. I don’t subscribe to any one theory or philosophy of parenting, and even if I did, I would never ever want to preach/force it on anyone else. All I know–all any of us knows–is our own babies and what works best for them and for us. Sharing ideas in a friendly, helpful manner is one of my favorite things about knowing other mamas. So that’s all I’m doing here. And believe me, I am very aware that I don’t know anything! That’s why I categorize some posts as “Non-Expert Advice”, to acknowledge that I’m coming from an extremely limited scope of experience.

I love hearing from other people and reading what other folks (in comments or on blogs) have to say, and I hope to be a helpful and interesting addition to the giant world of baby blogs. And most of all, I hope to be respectful of everyone who stops by. Because no matter how many babies you have, this parenting thing is hard! We all deserve support and encouragement. So please give yourself a virtual hug from me. πŸ™‚ And give your baby a snuggle and don’t forget to give yourself a break every now and then–you deserve it!

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6 thoughts on “Acknowledgements and Apologies

  1. I’ve never felt offended by what you’re saying. I, too, am intrigued by what other people are doing and how they’re making things work. I have a coworker with a baby 2 months older than ours and another with one 3 month younger. So our little one is always behind in something and ahead in something else. I enjoy reading what you’re doing because our son is a day older than your little ones.

    Parenting is not a competition! Keep doing what you’re doing. Your babies are obviously thriving!

    • Aw thanks! Isn’t it crazy how just weeks/months in age mean such differences right now? When I feel like mine are “behind”, I try to remember that in three years, all these kids are the same age and doing the same things! Good luck with your cutie!

  2. this is a very gracious post, but I don’t think you should feel guilty for thinking or saying “one baby would be so easy!” having newborn twins sounds challenging. you seem like you’re really finding success and that’s awesome. I’m pretty sure it’s okay to embrace all the awesomeness you get when dealing with tiny babies! you haven’t come across as disrespectful at all.

    (I agree with the author of that post though — I really hate when parents of any number of children do the “oh, just wait until blah blah blah” or “you don’t know what it MEANS to be tired” thing. and so do lots of other people on the internet which is why there is STFU Parents, right?)

    • Aw thanks. I think I might have made some offhand comments at some baby groups, and I’m feeling guilty. :/ I’m sure there are plenty of single babies whose temperaments made them more difficult than our twins!
      But yes, ugh, the sanctomommies! (There’s some of that here in Portland related to natural things.) It is one of my goals to never be worthy of STFUP. That “Oh just wait” stuff is so annoying. I got a lot of that while still pregnant, and I always thought to myself, ‘wow, way to be completely unhelpful!’ Blergh.

  3. I really hope no one complained to you, because I’ve found your posts informative and interesting! I’m all about gathering info from other mamas, whether it’s from those with more kids than we have or with younger kids or with older kids or whatever. I agree that having a baby/babies with no colic or sleep issues or allergies or anything – all that also applies to my daughter – is pretty much luck of the draw and has little or nothing to do with us. The whole competitive parenting thing is freaking exhausting and lurks at every turn. One of my husband’s co-workers told us at our baby shower to lie about everything, because that’s what everyone does. So we just tell people that one-year-old M reads chapter books and talks in complete sentences in four languages. πŸ˜‰ But seriously, you have every right to be proud of your awesome (and insanely cute) babies!

    • Oh no, no complaints or anything! It’s more to assuage my guilt and make sure that I’m not being an asshole. πŸ™‚ Thank you so much–very happy to have you reading! It’s so true about luck. I do feel bad sometimes though, when I meet people with tougher babies than ours! I think it’s a widespread secret that there’s even such a thing as ‘easy’ babies. Haha, I love the lies, too funny! Good idea! πŸ˜€ Your baby is so cute–how old is she?

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