Good and bad

So the babies learned a new skill! They can point to/grab body parts–hair, ears, feet, belly, nose. It’s pretty neat and pretty cute. They will also grab our ears, nose, etc–and geez, do they have a strong grip. And sharp baby nails–ouch.

The bad news is that I had to be told about this new skill. My husband told me this morning, after our nanny prompted the babies to do it for him.

Well. This made me feel like the worst mama ever.

First, that *I* haven’t taught them this. Haven’t even been thinking about trying to focus on helping them with something like that. What am I even doing?

Second, that I didn’t even notice they’d learned it. Don’t even know when it happened.

Jeez. I fail, fail, fail.

It’s so dumb, but I really feel disappointed in myself. And that our nanny is a better mother than I am.

 

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16 thoughts on “Good and bad

  1. Woa woa woa. Back off yourself there, lady. It’s so exciting that they learned this, and yes, I would feel a twinge of disappointment, too. But your worth as a mother is not determined by this, and I know you know this on an intellectual level but I’m saying it anyway! Plus, you’d be surprised at how much babies learn from other people. I am pretty sure Alice learned her body parts from my sister, along with a lot of other things. Your nanny is awesome but she is definitely not a better mother than you. No one can be a better mother to your boys than you.

    • Thank you. You’re right, there is a disconnect between heart and brain. I guess now I need to be prepared for them to sponge up information from everyone and everywhere. Thanks friend. šŸ™‚

  2. No!!! This is not the right reaction! You are the best mama and have brought them up from tiny peanuts to the amazing toddlers they are now! So you can just be happy and rejoice in this new skill that they are now so smart they’re capable of learning.

    • Aw thank you. That’s a good way to think about it–I do love seeing how much they are learning! I guess this is the ultimate lesson in trying to let go a bit–I tend to be a bit of a control freak. šŸ™‚

    • Yes, this is a good point! On one level I do know that they will be learning things at daycare/preschool/school–I guess I just didn’t expect it to start so soon. šŸ™‚ Thank you so much for your kind comment!

  3. I am a relatively new follower of yours but I wanted to say that I do understand where you are coming from here. I will be going back to work as a teacher in the fall and the thought of my twins learning new skills from our nanny totally upsets me. Even just thinking about it. But because I am not there yet, I can read your post as an outsider and say – don’t beat yourself up. While it would be amazing for you to single-handedly teach your babies every possible thing, it can’t be done. Other people will contribute to their upbringing and that’s good for them. And for you. You are doing the best you can! But you haven’t failed.

    • Thank you so much for reading and for your wonderful comment! You make a great point that other people in their community are a valuable resource and I need to embrace that instead of trying to control everything myself. šŸ™‚ Wow, I imagine that your transition going back to work will be difficult and tiring, but how nice will it be to come home and hug your little ones?

  4. yeah, at the rate things have been going, my baby is totally going to crawl for the first time when her grandmother is taking care of her instead of me. sigh.

    • šŸ˜¦ Don’t tell me Volcano is already old enough to start crawling! It must be so hard to balance your job that you love which takes up a lot of time, with spending time with your family. How has that been going so far? I’m sure you get in lots of quality time on the weekends. šŸ™‚

      • well, I’ve never spent less time at school in my life. It is shockingly easy to get there at 9 and leave at 3:30 now. and volcano crawled forward on all fours for the first time last friday before bed. šŸ™‚

      • YAY!! That’s awesome! On both counts, actually. šŸ™‚ Wow, crawling already, I can’t believe it. Go go, Volcano!

  5. Dear Julie, I know how you feel. I remember when one of my twins wanted to be held by the Nanny and not me and I was like, what the heck !! they love her more than me (silly of me) but I was so jealous of her expending the time I just to expend with them (here in Canada the maternity leave is a year). Please don’t beat your self up, it is very normal for babies and children in general to learn from different people, to love other people than you. Be glad that your Nanny cares so much about your babies and she is teaching them fun and valuable information (hurrah !!), and they are learning and thriving. Do you know how many Nannies are hitting babies and telling them bad language, I’m very glad we have good Nannies :). You are a great mom, and to answer your question, you were doing what a super Mom usually does: care for their children šŸ™‚

    • Thank you so much! You are so right–we are very lucky that our nanny is so wonderful and loving, and that our boys love her too. šŸ™‚ It’s a good position to be in that she’s around to teach them things!

  6. I know exactly how you feel. Going back to work, I was worried that the daycare provider (it’s just one woman in her house) would supplant me as parent, since I added up all the hours M spends there vs. the hours she spends awake at home with me. But that’s clearly not happened. What has happened, though, is that she learns things we don’t even know about. Like, a few weeks ago her provider said something about going down the stairs backwards, and I said, “Oh, she can’t do that yet,” and she said, “Yes, she can. She does it every day here when we go outside to play.” Tex and I were both shocked and, honestly, amused that M had held out on us for so long and had insisted that we carry her down the stairs. For me it’s good practice for what it’ll feel like when she gets older and goes to school and then goes off with her friends and then goes to college or wherever and is doing all kinds of stuff I will never know about. But I will always be her mother, and hopefully we’ll always be close.

    • Aw, that last part really hit me! I still have trouble accepting/believing that these tiny babies will be grown-ups one day. I have trouble with change. And envisioning the future. šŸ™‚
      That’s a little bittersweet about how much M is learning away from home. Too funny that she pretends not to know them at home!

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