Happy Birthday To Me

I’m thirty-five! Of course, it’s now been almost two months since my birthday, and it shouldn’t be too surprising that this post is so late; procrastination is a fully-ingrained part of who I am at times…along with many other questionable qualities.DSC_5950-Edi-2t_WEB

Much like turning thirty did, the idea of turning thirty-five made me panic a little bit. Should I celebrate with an amazing birthday bash? Should I make some drastic and impressive personal goals to achieve? Should I map out my next five years to become My Very Best Me? Agh, so much pressure to reflect and plan and be introspective and thoughtful and intelligent. Qualities I don’t always have.

The first weird thing is that 35 is in a whole other age range. The vaunted 18-34 youth segment is officially in the rearview mirror. I’ve never been a good ‘young person’ but now I officially am no longer one. I kind of feel weird about that, like now that I can’t be in that club maybe I should have been a better member of it? I’ve been old at heart for a long time and have embraced the fact that I’m forgetful, a homebody and kind of a square, and so maybe now my physical age makes it a little more acceptable?

And the other thing is that 35 is one of those nice big Grown Up Adult ages. I’m an employee, a business owner, a wife, a mother. I should know what I’m doing, right? Like, I need to have Life, The Universe, and Everything figured out by now. (Although I suppose I have until 42 for that, right? Haha! Dorky book joke!) But…pretty sure I don’t have any idea about much of anything. This year more than ever, I’ve had to work on juggling and balancing everything. It’s tough, for sure. It involves a lot of list-making, trying to focus on certain tasks at certain times of day, and staying up way too late just about all the time.

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I think back to my 33rd birthday–when the babies hadn’t arrived yet and my face and belly were still so swollen–and I feel like I kind of haven’t changed, or that time hasn’t really passed. Which is ridiculous, because now we have these huge toddlers and all these baby gates, and I’m generally a lot more tired than I used to be, and I have no free time. I do get so much love and joy from our little ones growing and changing and hugging, and I’m working on being patient (overall I’m waaaay more patient than I thought I’d be, but there are plenty of occasions when I just can’t deal with whatever anymore). But for the most part, I feel like the same old me. And I don’t have any maps or grand plans or bashes.

So what did I do this year? I read some books. I participated in a lovely book club. I took a lot of photos. I took a lot of walks and listened to a lot of podcasts. I didn’t sleep enough. I went back to New York for the first time. I kept up (in fits and spurts) with my Project Life album and continued my photo-a-day project (thank god for the iphone). Our family went on various adventures, small and large. I’m working on being more present and attentive; the boys have been so much fun as they keep growing and developing, and they seem to love having fun with us. In this next year, I hope to continue working on the ever-elusive work/life balance, and trying to squeeze in more fun, personal, hobby type activities. DSC_5951-1_WEB

And of course I’m sure there will be all kinds of new adventures this year too!

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6 thoughts on “Happy Birthday To Me

  1. Welcome to 35! I don’t think I’ll ever get over wondering why I don’t *feel* more like a grown-up, even though I have all these grown-uppy things about my life… Maybe that’s good, that we don’t feel old and we’re just ourselves as usual, no matter how old we get. I watched this documentary about American marriage on HBO, and one of the couples featured were in their 90s and had been married 65 years or something. I realized that the wife probably looks at her husband the same way she looked at him when they were young and first married, and she probably still feels like that young newlywed. She was embarrassing him with sex jokes. Heh.

    • I love hearing that other people still don’t feel like grown-ups either…it seems like most of us feel that way. I think you’re right, that we’re always ourselves, and that must be rooted in the younger-ish years/decades, since that’s when our identities or selves are formed. And being married for 65 years, holy shit!!

  2. i TOTALLY related to so much of what you’ve written here, as i’m sure you know – the neat number making you ponder projects or goals, feeling like it’s a grown up age and that you should have stuff figured out. the older i get, i think that no one really ever feels like a grown up the way we looked at adults when we were kids, or, i am not sure what line you cross and suddenly decide “welp, I’m a grown up now, officially!” haha.

    but you look so happy, and you guys have done so many fun things together this year!! happy 35, and here’s to another super great year ahead!! 🙂

    • Aw, thank you so much! It does seem like those big Adult Things should be that official line you cross into adulthood, like jobs, marriage, children, living in a house. Maybe it’s the modern extended adolescence that has us all feeling like adulting frauds. 🙂

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